A few weeks ago I celebrated the 25th anniversary of meeting my husband. It’s a day I will never forget. To say that I met my soul mate is an understatement, I met my best friend that day and its been crazy roller coaster ride ever since. Anyway I made a post on Facebook about it and people were congratulating us and a couple of people said we were a relationship goal. I instantly felt some type of way. As flattered as I was, I do not want to be someone’s relationship goal. It took years for my husband and I to get to to the place we are now. And it was HARD!! There were days we cussed, fussed and argued for no reason at all. There were days when I didn’t like him and I’m sure he didn’t like me. We went through hardships that were more self inflicted than the law should allow and yes we made it with some scraps, bumps and bruises. Now I know some of you reading this will say well that’s the mark of a good relationship…but let me finish, gonna be a little transparent here. I married a man who had four children who weren’t mine, three were born in the same year. All older than my kids of course. Now how many of y’all would have dealt with that?? That relationship goal hit a little different now huh??
See the thing is, what works for one couple won’t work for every couple. When we strive for relationship goals, we should strive for someone who loves us, who can compromise, who wants to see us do our best, and will get up our ass when we aren’t living to our potential. We should strive for someone is pays attention to our needs, spoken and unspoken, doesn’t judge us or try to change us. Not everyone will agree because in this day and age relationships have been dwindled down to monetary value. People are only worth what they can bring to the table. Base your relationship goals on what works best for you and your partner and to hell with what everyone else is doing. People can only give you advice from their level of perception so if your friend only dealt with “ain’t shit men” she ain’t someone you need to take relationship advice from.
The older I get I realize how insecure the world really is. That’s why we need #relationshipgoals, #bodygoals, #careergoals etc. We are scared to be ourselves because we are scared that others won’t accept us. But the truth is we don’t accept ourselves. We need models to teach us how to live life because we are too lazy to do it ourselves. We want to be “JayBey” without the work. And the truth is, nothing in this life comes easy and everything is hard and needs to be worked for. Especially Relationships.