Welcome to 2021…I don’t know about you but I feel like that part in the Color Purple when Celie fixed Shug breakfast and stood back to wait to see how she was gonna decorate the wall with her food like she did Mister’s. Waiting to see what 2021 is gonna bring, LMAO. Although mentally 2020 was a hard year for me, God kept me in every way possible. I never suffered a day during this pandemic, and although a few friends and family members got Covid, God blessed them to see it through. ANYWAY, I’m rambling. We are in the 12th day of 2021 and I’ve been back in forth with what my first 2021 blog should be and then Jazmine Sullivan’s new album dropped and helped me out.
If you haven’t heard Heaux Tales yet please by all means go and listen to it cause it’s the bomb. In between songs she has these excerpts of women talking and one of them stopped me in my tracks. It was Amanda’s Tale, I posted it above for you to listen. When I first heard this it made me sit and think about all the times I felt like I wasn’t enough for someone. Even though she was speaking of a man in particular, made me think of those close people in my life, whether it was my mom, dad, husband, or children. There were many times in my life where I got my feelings hurt because I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to be all I could for someone for them for them to not be satisfied. Here I was over extended myself for them and they were still unhappy and wanting more. And to add insult to injury when it came their turn to help me they fell short every time. In that moment I heard myself said but you never really needed them because you were enough for yourself.
When I tell you at that point I heard God say, you can’t satisfy someone who isn’t satisfied with themselves PERIOD!!! It’s a waste of your time. He said to me you know why you can be grateful to whatever someone does for you? Because you are satisfied with yourself. Not that doesn’t mean you don’t have imperfections, or flaws that you aren’t happy with but you love yourself despite of. You are no longer conditionally loving yourself. You know, “when I lose weight, my life will better, or when I get a better job my life will better.” You are happy with your life right here right now. You have a inner happiness and peace that isn’t attached to a person, a job, a car… house or whatever.
I sat there for a moment and inhaled all of that. Because it took me a long time to understand that I had always been like that. But I allowed others people’s opinions of what I should look like or dress like or be doing to control how I felt about me. And I’m here to say, YOU ARE ENOUGH. You don’t need anyone else to tell you that. You can’t measure your life against someone else’s because you will never be happy. God called them to be one thing and you to be something else. You have to be happy with you. Society teaches us that there is a mold for success that if we don’t fit into it we aren’t successful. BUT God/universe shows us all the time that society is full of shit. The richest people are the most unhappiest people in the world ie that fool #45 president. The most beautiful people alter their bodies and the most loved people are the loneliest. Why is that? Because they figured out they had been dooped. They were made to believe these things would make them happy and it didn’t. You have to be enough for yourself PERIOD! I saw this funny tictok video of this white woman very thin eating everything she could. The voiceover said every woman on your 600lb life had a man, eat what the fuck you want. I could help but laugh because I remember at 13 when a neighbor told me if I didn’t lose weight I wasn’t gonna get a boyfriend and I’ve been married for over 20 years. She had figure it out, its all a lie. If you don’t become Enough for yourself you will never be satisfied. Love y’all, LET’S WORK ON BEING ENOUGH FOR OURSELVES IN 2021
HAPPY NEW YEAR YA’LL LET’S SEE WHAT 2021 BRINGS
It’s Complicated